Public Liability Insurance for your Base, Lair or Fortress

Congratulations on your decision to take out Bad Guy Public Liability Insurance!

As a card-carrying villain, dictator or maniac (or even owner of a cheap car insurance site like you may not be greatly concerned with the health and safety of inferior persons. However, nobody likes being sued, and it can be a real nuisance if you're between lawyers because you fed the last incumbent to the piranhas. Lengthy court proceedings will wreak havoc with your plans to kidnap a minor royal or blow up the Moon, and it would be a pity to pull off the biggest heist of the century only to pay out half your loot in damages claims.

For fully comprehensive cover, you need to take the nature of your fortified hideout into consideration. If you're based at the peak of a mountain or volcano, for instance, trip hazards abound and visitors may suffer altitude sickness. If the volcano is active, add smoke inhalation and burns to the list of possible injuries. Underwater lair? Risks to staff and trespassers include drowning, sharks and any number of harpoon-related mishaps.

Chances are you've called in a subcontractor to hire your guards or footsoldiers, as well as the cleaning and catering staff, because you have bigger fish to fry - or enemy agents to liquidate. That means you're responsible for all these henchpersons as they go about their nefarious business, covering them for everything from cat-fur allergies to invasion by the Marines. You may even have to compensate their next of kin should they be killed or horrifyingly disfigured in the line of duty.

On a serious note: your business NEEDS public liability cover. Go here now to compare quotes!

No matter how well-camouflaged your HQ, how powerful your electric fence, how trigger-happy your sentries, at some point the inevitable will happen and a lost tourist will wander in. Public liability insurance will protect you from the consequences should they stray into the beam of your laser cutter, or inadvertently press the Self-Destruct By Nuclear Explosion button.

Finally, sometimes your innocent tourists are less innocent than they initially appear. I'm talking, of course, about the greatest threat to your lovingly-crafted stronghold: the Hero. He'll sneak in, decimate your workforce, steal your voluptuous sidekick and generally ruin your day.

There's only one thing worse than having your cosy nest invaded and blown to smithereens, and that's getting landed with a massive dry-cleaning bill for the hero's tux afterwards. Bad Guy Public Liability Insurance: so you can live and let die.

Copyright Peter Mathers, Wellington, New Zealand 2010